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Facing change is challenging. Even though life IS change, for some reason, most human beings fear change. Even if change might bring them something better.

Why is that so?

I guess it is because adaptation requires some efforts. Because we never know if we will do better with that change.

To face positively changes, we need to trust ourselves.

Here are some reflections that can help you face change:

1-Change is inevitable. Be able to recognize the inevitability of some changes that occur in your life, stop resisting them and start exploring what opportunities could be lying in the future for you.

2-Understand your reactions and feelings. Accept them. Breathe into them.

3-Take responsibility for your attitude towards that change. Who do you choose to be facing this change?

4-Explore what specific skills you are going to need to face this change. We all have different needs, it could be patience or discipline or flexibility or compassion or self-compassion or moral value or humor or lightness or moral strength or tenacity…what do YOU need the most right now to face that change?

5-Look out for support & support those around you facing the same change (family or co-workers).

If there is change around you, be happy, it is because you are alive! Because you are going to learn something new! Remember life is made of cycles, if you are facing change you might be heading either towards expansion either  towards restriction… anyway you are going, bear in mind  you won’t stay there forever.

 

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The release of attachment is powerful. It changes your life if you dare. It heals. When you have the courage of freeing yourself from your beliefs, from the situations you are attached to, or the people; you will discover the magic of life, the blessing of inner freedom & infinite strength.

Maybe it’s a partner who is not happy with you (or vice-versa), maybe it’s a job which is not fulfilling you, maybe it’s the image you want others to have of you or maybe just the way you want things to be.

First, let’s see, why are we attached to what we are attached to?

Because we believe we will be safer.

Or, Because we fear change.

Or, Because we believe these things (or people) give us value.

Or, Because it’s easier to live with solid structures (not to call them rails), with no doubts.

We might also be attached to feelings like guilt or love or longing or loneliness, because they fill our life with unrest, they fill our life with what we are familiar with.

It requires courage to let all that go and remain only with trust and curiosity.

Trust in LIFE, trust in OURSELF.

Curiosity about what LIFE has planned for you… which is ALWAYS awesome.

But.

There is a problem.

If we want to achieve deeds in our life…. How can we be detached?

We HAVE to be attached to some outcomes – the ones we are fighting for – to see them happen, to focus our efforts. Don’t we? How can we conciliate detachment and achievements?

With humility.

But.

If we want to achieve some deeds it is because we are ambitious, aren’t we? How can we be ambitious and humble at the same time?

With humor and lightness.

My guess is that a key attitude is trying not to be attached in the first place.

You graduate with honors? Don’t take yourself to seriously, don’t attach yourself to success.

You are getting married? Remember you don’t own your partner, remember you can loose him/her anyday, be attach to build the most beautiful and fulfiling relationship but respect the freedom of each one.

As Rudyard Kipling wrote in “IF”, treat triumph and disaster the same way: they both are impostors. Your essence is much more than your Ego.

Bottom line. Life is about learning and growing. When life forces you to release, there is for sure a beautiful lesson or opportunity awaiting for you at the next corner! Try not to resist to much before you let go… Why exhaust yourself if change is part of life?

We will all have to let go some day and risk ourselves into the unknown…

Note: Thanks to the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for triggering the reflection.


When my son went to College, I used to worry a lot about him: Will he be happy? Will he miss home? Will he study enough? Will he find new friends? (By the way, all these worries were mine, I believe he never suffer from any of these concerns.)

One day, I received a quote from Esther & Jerry Hicks: “You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time.”

I was shocked! What? You mean, me, the mother, I do not love my children when I am worried? How is that? That must be wrong! Moms worry about their children BECAUSE they love them!

For days I kept thinking about that quote: Was that possible? Could that be true?

One thing I first notice is that what I felt when I was worried was not a nice feeling, it made my heart harden and it is difficult for me, with a hard heart, to actually feel love.

So I thought there might be some truth in that quote: You cannot simultaneously feel something bad and something nice, something hard (the worry) and something smooth (the love). So, from that perspective, regarding the “at the same time” issue, the quote seemed to be correct.

I wanted to explore more because this worrying issue was something I would happily get rid of. Even though I didn’t know if that was OK. Because maybe stop worrying would turn me into an awful mother. Because let’s be clear: Worrying is Part of a Mom’s “Job description”.

So here is how my exploration went on:

1-I worry that something bad happens to my child, I worry that my child suffers. Why do I worry about that? Who says suffering is bad? Haven’t I learned and grown myself out of suffering? Why would I want to avoid bad things to happen to him if those very events will be learning opportunities? Am I considering my child unable to respond to adversity? Does my worry mean that I don’t trust my child? That I don’t value his ability to deal with life? Is that a positive thought for a Mom, where does that put my child? What will my child perceive from my worry? Not that I love him! He’d rather perceive that I see him weak. Do I? And if he perceives love in my worry, is that what I want? That is that the quality of love I want to offer? That got me to # 2:

2- We commonly ASSOCIATE loving and worrying: When my kids were younger, I was never worried about them being sick, I remember other Moms would look at me as a weird Mom, as if I didn’t care, as if I didn’t love my children. They associate my lack of worry with a lack of love. The truth is that I didn’t worry because I trusted so much their immune system, I trusted that rest, hydration and attention was all they needed to heal, so there was no room for worry.

We worry out of Fear, when we trust we get rid of fear and we get rid of worry.

3- When there is worry, there is an attachment or an expectation.

Am I worried for my son or for myself? Is it him or me who is troubled if he doesn’t get his diploma” or “is heart broken by a beautiful and stupid girl”? Am I worried about not knowing how to help? What to say? Is it me WANTING to DO something? Is there something I could do but give love and empathy?

4- What difference is there between empathy and worry? Empathy is the contrary of worry, Empathy is free of judgment, Empathy heals worry: When I feel empathy, my heart expands and connects, instead of being hard and separate with worry. When the other is in deep pain or great danger, when I know there is nothing I can do, it is time for empathy: Give my attention, offer my gentle care (my love) and let the person live her/his experience has she/he can.

5- When I worry because I see someone in pain or difficulty, I am letting my energy being drawn by that person’s energy. How would it be if I could sustain my own energy of trust and strength? Couldn’t that energy help the person to shift her own? And from there, invite her to walk a different path or a different perspective, one with greater empowerment?

6- What about the fact that our thoughts create reality? If this is true, we don’t want to worry! Never! We don’t want what we are worried about to happen, don’t we? When I worry, I am watering that very eventuality I am worried about.

7- Worry implies the assumption that we expect something (that what we are worried about) to be bad. Here is this ancient Chinese tale: An old man and his young son are walking on a country road when they see a free horse, the son exclaims: “How lucky are we! We have found a horse!” the father replies: “Lucky or not, we don’t know, time will tell.” They take the horse home and the son rides the animal every day but one day he falls and breaks his leg. He says to his father: “You were right, this horse has been a disgrace, look at my leg, who knows how long ot will take me to recover!” And his father answered: “Disgrace or not, we don’t know, time will tell.” Some weeks later, a King’s emissary was traveling the whole country, looking for all the young men of the kingdom because a war had started and the king needed soldiers. The young fellow wasn’t taken away because of his broken leg. He said to his father: “Dad, you were so right, the broken leg has been a blessing, I will be able to stay home instead of going to war!” And again the old man said: “Blessing or not, we don’t know, time will tell.” … Who knows if the young man would have died going to war or would have made a fortune…?

We worry because we are focusing on a sole option and we are disregarding all the others infinite possibilities of life.

So what can we do to stop worrying?

*Be humble (like the Chinese father).

*Be trustful (in the other’s strengths, in the mysterious ways of life).

*Be respectful (of the other’s desires).

*Be detached (of your own desires, fears and expectations).

Those energies are perfectly  tuned in with Love!


Many people are afraid to ask questions. They are afraid to show they don’t know or don’t understand something. Have you ever experience that?

Me, rarely, I am more curious than shy.

But think again:

Yes, a question shows you don’t know; But a question shows you care.

Yes, a questions shows you don’t understand; But a question shows you have the intention to do your best.

Yes, an answer might not be expected, you need courage to ask!

Questions are the way we get to know better others… and maybe also ourselves!

What about asking to one of your loved ones “Which has been your best holiday?” (Of course, you hope it was a holiday you were there also! Go ahead! Take your risks!) You might discover some treats you weren’t aware of so far or maybe you will remember good times.

What about asking yourself “What if…….??”

Or : “When was the last time….??” (I laugh, I had an orgasm, I went to a new place, I told … I love her/him, I did something for someone, I spoke to a stranger, I felt completely happy). Take your time and remember, when you remember, it happens again!


I went to see this movie yesterday, a crippled drinker husband says to his wife: “If you stop loving me, I wont blame you.”

She responds: “I might hate you more, but I wont love you less…”

This is one of the best understanding of love I have heard lately: Love is always there. You might get mad, you may be disappointed, you may disagree, you may even hate… but this has nothing to do with the love you feel. Love  doesn’t exclude other feelings, neither other feelings extinguish love. It is not one OR the other. It is all together. It is not because you love that you can’t feel antagonist sentiments. You love, your heart is open, so you are likely to feel multiple emotions.

You could even consider to leave that person, you can get divorced and never want to see that person again, but still love  him/her.


Nietzsche challenges us and disturbs us but that’s a good thing to do with a new year ahead.

Nietzsche puts down the Idols of modernity:

1-Liberty:

For Nietzsche, Freedom is the will to embrace our own responsibility in leading our lives. Freedom is the ability to create a life according to our own special values (he warns us of our ability to assimilate values from external sources: family, society, system or in reaction to them). Freedom is based on our own strength, on our ability to escape conformity and not on the liberty that can be granted to us by a State or a Law, nor the liberty to live like everybody else!

Why would we want liberty if it only means the liberty to choose what has already been packed for us?

2-Equality & Progress:

If equality is the leveling of valleys and mountains… Why would we want equality? Wouldn’t we have more to loose than to gain? I thank Nietzsche to open my eyes on that: Why would we want no differences in our horizon? Why can’t we enjoy diversity? Is a mountain “better” than a valley or a valley “better” than a mountain? And if we level both, with what would we be left with? Why should one be “better” than the other one?

Comfort and uniformity kill creativity, kill inspiration for greatness.

Greatness is not “being better”, greatness is not about being rich, or famous, or powerful…Greatness is authenticity and spirit: any life lived with both ingredients is a great and meaningful life. Modernity has tried to make us believe that progress and money will always lead us to a greater good… is it really so?… at what cost?

There is no a unique universal recipe for happiness (like money or a nice house with a white fence), some people don’t even WANT to be happy, some other just want to live life upon THEIR values!

3-Reason:

Nietzsche believes reason will not allow us to live meaningful lives, that reason can’t grasp reality and that there are very different kinds of knowledge. He invites us to trust more our body and passions, to embrace the concreteness of our life, to identify our values, to be the hero of our own adventure of living. Even more: if living is an art, we shall put reason aside and boost our creativity.

He also attacks Spirituality: Nietzsche considers spirituality self-repudiating and I differ with him on that: I believe we can embrace spirituality without deprecating our own physical existence, I believe we can unify both and this is precisely the challenge of a meaningful life. Don’t we need the strength of our spirit to be the hero of our own concrete life? And, can our spirit grow without connection with the infinite?

So, what does Nietzsche leave us with?

Our responsibility to create our own authentic life, to fully engage in that task, not been neither a spectator nor a follower and not even a leader because a leader puts himself at the service of others. Be an artist in search of beauty and meaning.

I like Nietzsche’s disturbance, I like when he invites us to face our idols and question them. It is politically incorrect to have doubts about the sacred ideals of liberty, comfort and happiness… but I think we can grow and expand from his questioning and this vision of being the creative actor of our own adventure


A mom was driving her kids to school when she realized she left her mobile (Blackberry or iPhone) at home. It was to late to go back and get it… She felt very nervous. She wouldn’t be home before the afternoon to have her phone back! Nobody would be able to reach her, she wouldn’t be able to contact anyone, no bbmms, no twitts… Total isolation!She spent all morning not knowing what to do with her hands, she felt an almost unbearable void around her and inside her, she was distracted, unfocused… just like someone struggling to quit smoking, or quit drinking…she thought.

This woman had 2 choices:

1-Promiss herself not to forget her mobile anymore…. Ever.

2-Observe her addiction and reflect upon it.

In this second case, she had 2 choices again:

1-Justify: Mobile are necessary, something important could happen and I need to be reachable, plus, it’s nice and fun to receive bips and news and comments from everyone, it makes me feel integrated, alive, important, connected…

2-Look at the women she was converting herself into, ponder if that was who she wanted to be and decide if she would want to change her behavior.

 

There are events in our lives that come to us as mirrors, to help us look at ourselves, to stop and really observe what we are doing and how we are living. They are golden gifts but many times we don’t see them… or we don’t want to look at those mirrors.

 

 

What about this other story?

Many years ago, my friend K read an article about the humiliation people living in dictatorship have to endure. She was living at that time in a happy, free, nice country but she realized her marriage was a dictatorship and that she was living humiliated most of the time. This article came into her hands and she had the courage to look at the mirror. She decided she would not stand that anymore, she eventually divorced and wrote a thankful letter to the author, Vaclav Havel.